there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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