I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
