We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
