im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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