Screwed.edu
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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