like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
