I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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