he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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