awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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