omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
