watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
