Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
