Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
