Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
