Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We left the knife in your bed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
