why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
