Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
