hell yes lets make some ravioli
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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