I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Green mimosas i think yes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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