dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
