just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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