Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
