my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
