dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
