I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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