I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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