I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
