I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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