I'm so fucking centered right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
