dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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