Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When are your genitals available?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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