WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
