He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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