last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
