I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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