In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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