i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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