I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
