Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
