Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
