You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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