i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
they're like a gay fantastic four
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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