What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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