If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
