I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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