In the future we'll all be gay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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