I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
