I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
