You made me cry and you don't even care
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
