shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
